that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
