Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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