I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My vagina is officially offended.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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