Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
