That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize