Define "chronic" masturbator.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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