Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
