You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Who died my cat blue again?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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