i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
