Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
