Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
