Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize