Will you blow on my dice?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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