dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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