and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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