I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
