Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
