She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
