I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Randomize
