Pants 0. Shit 1.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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