Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
