My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize