This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
