omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
