So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
