remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
