I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize