mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
