if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
