Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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