It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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