At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
