Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You can't special order awesome
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
