I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
