first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my liver is dry heaving
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize