Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
