Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
