The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The air taste purple.
Randomize
