Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
