but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize