I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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