I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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