So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
