He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
