he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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