he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
