just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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