I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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