she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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