He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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