I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
