he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will be naked everywhere
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
