my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
3pm strippers are depressing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I will pee on everything he values.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
