she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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