So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
