guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
