i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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