Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
