wrigley field is MILF paradise
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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