Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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