Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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