fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
