The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize