we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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