my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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