So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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