Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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