Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
