I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
