I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
