Cold hands, warm shart.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
