ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
