I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
