Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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