Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's never too late to be topless.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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