Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
