Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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