god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
