Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
