dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
