i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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