Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
so much tequila, so little girl.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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