in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
