Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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