i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
