Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
