My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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