dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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