I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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