Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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