I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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