My brain says no but my pants say off.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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